Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
