Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
