dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
