I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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