no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
