yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
