Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
