There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
