Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
