I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
