someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
