Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
