when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
