I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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