I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
