Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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