I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
