I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
