Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
