So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He did a backflip because drugs
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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