dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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