You were right. It hurts to walk today.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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