Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
