Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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