last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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