Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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