I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
