I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
