Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just invented taco cereal.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
