I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
