I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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