Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
