wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
