i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
