i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
