...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
