I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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