I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
