3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
