When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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