My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
