Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
