Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
