i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
