my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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