I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
