i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Drake has all the answers
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
