One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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