I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
