my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
