Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
