Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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