I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
